Forgiveness is not a gift or virtue I possess. But I’m trying.

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Forgiveness is not a gift or virtue I possess, but I am trying. Heck there’s sometimes I even get mad with Heavenly Father. Now understand I love Heavenly Father more than anythin, and I do mean everything.Understand I’d been raised up in the Church since I born. I went to every meeting and instructional class that I was told was good for me. From Primary to Mutual, through both scouting programs, all of it. But then we moved to Hagerman. I arrived and found the WARD there was nothing like what I knew in Utah. But I endured right up the time I was to go on a Church Mission. This collided with the time I was to go to Boot Camp, with the UCSMC. By the time I got back there as I was told no way to progress up the Priesthood ladder, Seems some files and records had been lost or misfiled. I was working part time for Mr. Ellis and with a pay check handy I was headed to Utah to find my lost love. Only I was about $300.00 short. Mom said I should donate some of my old toys we had in our warehouse , Some would have been okay, but those dang Elders picked me and my treasures clean as a drumstick at Thanksgiving. My Matchbox/HotWheels collection, the buildings, and display mat all gone. Now I forgave , but what really rubbed salt in the wound, was when my Mom died in 1983 there was not a single member of that LDS Ward that even said ” Sorry for your loss. NOT ONE. Yet my family donated thousands of Dollars, to both SWEendell as well as Hagerman. Strike-One: , Then came my return here thought the tiny house in Wendell was just the spot. Between the crooked Landlord, and neighbors it was a living hell on Earth for a year. Got so bad that I finally moved her to Jerome. Things are getting better, but wounds are not soon healed. What made it goofy and sad, is I find myself in a spot where some extra $’s is needed to pay for this critter. So asked Chandra,did she want the tiny apartment? She said yes, I said groovy was eating $200.00 in the rent rate, plus stressing over was she or wasn’t she? Well came mid week last week, no nothing finally she surfaces , Then even before I could even get may pants on, she was gone. No nothing, not even take a shit, no howdy, no its too small, shit it wasn’t like she hadn’t see the place before she said she wanted it. The decent thing of her though to have done was to have left a couple hundred bucks and say here’s this for your trouble , but the place is too small. What makes this funny is there’s a couple looking into getting the place.  So then, this morning after a marathon, effort of setting up SAMCRO MC Radio and all find that she did call at 01:52 hours. Really, what for, to pour acid in the wound. See I sort of in a brother/sister way developed feelings for the lady, when she let me and the MC down, not only was it a financial hit, but she punched my feelings in the gut. She hurt me. So she calls? Why? and even if I could is it the Christian thing to say okay you burned me twice, now you want to to let you do that again? I might in the future, but not  today. Now let’s see what goes down with the other people. Thing is if an entire couple can make the Wolf Cave work, why couldn’t Chandra. Stay Tuned.

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